My former boss can clearly be describe as a first rate bully. She yelled, belittled, humiliated, intimidated and lied at every possible opportunity. It was a daily nightmare that gave me headaches, stomach aches and eventually led me to medical intervention and an official job change.
But the fallout of suffering under her tyranny has left me trying to drag myself blindly out of the dark hole she dumped me in. After living in fear of her attacks, I am happy to admit that my new supervisor and team are supportive, encouraging and just a joy to work with and for. I would have sworn I was just fine and dandy without any reciprocal fallout, but Thursday I made a human error and I was paralyzed with fear. I quickly corrected my very small error, informed all the related parties and waited for the hammer to fall heavily on my head. NOTHING happened. The error was corrected, no harm done, no one yelled, no one made me feel incompetent, but the paralyzing fear was still there.
It took that first mistake to remember that human errors happen and unless I am in the medical profession or holding a weapon or have my finger on the red button that ends the world, my mistakes are just mistakes. I also remember the stifling impact of bullies. I can easily see my former supervisor as a bully among her peers as a child, adolescent and adult. Or maybe she had been a bully and had promised herself that if she ever got the upper had, she would use it to smash those around her. Unfortunately I was the bug trapped beneath her for far too long.
Maybe I need an adult support group for the victims of workplace bullies, but for now, I have pills and prayer.
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